CHAPTER SIX

Stress of Sex

The stress we men can suffer as a result of a bad sexual experience can be horrific if not quickly countered by what we would consider a much better performance. When a man feels his partner has not been sexually satisfied by having an orgasm or being responsive to him, it can be devastating, psychologically damaging and create a long-lasting form of stress.

Throughout life, men will occasionally encounter sexual ineptness. As much as I would’ve liked not to tread the murky waters of this topic as it relates to men, marriage, and relationships, I had no choice. This is the one area in which we men are most vulnerable, and most sensitive. It is in this area that many of us unconsciously base much of our masculinity, so much so that if we fall into a series of sexual slumps for too long of a period, it could cause us a catastrophic amount of stress. Some men have even been known to go as far as questioning their own sexual orientation during these times. So I figured if I didn’t address this topic and the psychologically stressful effects it brings upon men in particular, then I wouldn’t only be doing myself a disservice, but my readers as well.

So, as carefully as I possibly can, I’ve written about this matter. Not solely for the reduction of sexual stress for men, but to also provide women with a better understanding of this strange phenomenon we experience. After much research and countless surveys, I’ve come to believe that most women have no earthly idea how stressful a bad sexual performance can be to a man. I’m not sure if they can even comprehend what men go through when we’re not performing at the level we feel we are capable.

There aren’t too many men that haven’t experienced the pain and stress of having a less than mediocre sexual performance in their marriage, or even worse, having a disappointing sexual encounter with someone they really care a lot about with hopes of pursuing a long-term relationship. The next day we literally hate ourselves. The whole experience plays over and over, like scratched records, in our heads. Our minds begin to play tricks on us. "I wonder what she’s telling her girlfriends about me?" We ponder out loud while pacing the floor. "I guess I’ll give her a call!" We pick up the phone, dial the first two numbers, and then put it down. "I’ll let her call me." Then we sit around for the rest of the day thinking about all the things we should have done, praying we get a second chance to redeem ourselves. One disappointing sexual experience with the right person can wreck our whole day, sometimes week! Though it’s really one of those crazy men things, it still causes much stress, not only to ourselves, but we’ve even been known to transfer our pains upon others as well. Most women, with whom I’ve shared how severe sexual ineptness can be to men, just seem to brush it off. They think men are crazy. I find most women are extremely insensitive to the embarrassment and stress most men feel. They wonder what’s the big fuss? So what! Why is redemption so important?

Maybe it’s me, but I think it’s about time I relate as clearly as I can to women the pain and pressures men undergo as a result of sexual ineptness. Women! Just imagine if you would, the distress you would go through as a young aspiring model, finally getting the opportunity of a lifetime. You’ve finally made it to the big time. You are in Paris, France, for the first time and about to be presented to the world of fashion as one of the most promising, up-and-coming models in the hottest show of the year. Everything you have ever wanted or even thought about in life hinges on the next few minutes.

As you’re standing in the line awaiting your turn to appear on the catwalk, you practice your moves one more time in your head, as you have done over a hundred times in the last couple of hours. The model in front of you has just made her final turn and is on her way in your direction. The designer, whose lavish evening gown lies perfectly on your slim body, gives the command in his deep androgynous voice. "Go dear!" All eyes are on you, as you appear on the runway, for you have been much anticipated. "Our next super model is wearing Armani’s After Five evening wear," the commentator says. "A beautiful black and 14 karat gold sequined gown, accented with rare diamond chips. It’s also accessorized with a sequined purse, just large enough for lipstick and a couple of credit cards with no limits," she gleefully explains. With grace and confidence you glide down the runway.

At the indicated spot on the runway, you stop. With a stern look, you gaze to your right, then your left, before slinging the small purse over your shoulder. As you step back to make your half-turn, just before returning up the runway, your left heel gets caught on the back of the dress. Unknowingly, you attempt to step forward and trip. Instinctively, you lower your hands to balance yourself, and that’s when your right ankle twists, causing you to fall over face down into the front row, where the top buyers, designers, and fashion editors sit.